How I Became the Woman I Admire

By Selene Hart – Self-Improvement Writer, Recovering Perfectionist, and Your Messy Friend Who Somehow Figured It Out

Let’s be honest: the version of me I admire now didn’t exist five years ago. Or even three. Heck, some days she barely existed last week. She’s not perfect. She’s messy, she cries over commercials, sometimes eats ice cream straight from the carton at 10 p.m., and still hasn’t mastered a consistent meditation habit.

But she’s here. She’s present. She stands in her own life. And most importantly, she’s learning to trust herself instead of constantly seeking validation from everyone else.

So how did I get here? How did I become a woman I genuinely respect, admire, and feel proud of—without turning my life into a checklist of achievements or a Pinterest-perfect highlight reel? Let me walk you through it.

Step 1: Facing the Mirror Without Flinching

The first step to becoming someone you admire is… noticing who you are right now. Not the filtered version you show the world. Not the version you tell yourself you “should” be. But the real, messy, anxious, messy coffee-spilling you.

I spent years avoiding that reflection. I avoided my feelings. I avoided journaling because I knew it would be uncomfortable. I avoided therapy because I thought admitting I was struggling made me weak.

Then one day, sitting in my car in the Target parking lot, crying because I was overwhelmed by work, life, and expectations, I realized: avoidance isn’t protection—it’s stagnation.

I started small: five minutes of honest journaling. Five minutes of asking myself, “What am I feeling and why?” Slowly, that honesty became a habit. And the more I faced myself, the more I understood my fears, my patterns, and my strengths.

Admirable women don’t hide from their truth. They sit with it, even when it hurts.

Step 2: Letting Go of People-Pleasing

Oh, people-pleasing… the silent career killer, soul drainer, and confidence-sapper.

I used to say yes to everything. Boss asks for a late night? Sure. Friend wants advice you don’t have energy to give? Absolutely. Family pressures you to do things you don’t want? Of course.

I was exhausted. And resentful. And deeply unhappy.

The turning point came when I realized: the women I admire are unapologetically themselves. They make decisions based on their values, not others’ approval.

So I practiced saying “no.” At first, it was terrifying. I even practiced out loud in the mirror. But each time I set a boundary, I felt a small but undeniable spark of pride. My life started to feel like mine again.

Learning to stop pleasing everyone didn’t make me selfish—it made me whole.

Step 3: Embracing Imperfection

If you’ve ever tried to “fix” yourself, you know this feeling: like you’re a project with a never-ending to-do list. Therapy, meditation, books, podcasts, affirmations… all tools to create a version of yourself that’s finally “enough.”

Here’s the thing: that version doesn’t exist. And chasing it relentlessly will burn you out faster than caffeine ever could.

I learned to admire imperfection. My anxiety? Part of me. My messy kitchen? Proof I’m alive. The fact that I still binge-watch Netflix when I planned to journal? Also part of me.

I started saying, “I am enough as I am, and I’m learning to be better every day.” That little phrase became a shield against the shame and guilt that used to hold me hostage.

The women I admire embrace themselves exactly as they are, while still growing. They balance self-love with self-improvement—not one at the expense of the other.

Step 4: Learning to Speak Up

I spent decades shrinking my voice. At work, at home, on social media, in relationships—I had thoughts, opinions, and dreams, but I was terrified to share them.

And then I realized: admiration isn’t about being liked. It’s about being heard.

I started practicing. I voiced my ideas in meetings, even when my hands shook. I shared personal stories in my writing, even when I feared judgment. I asked for what I wanted in relationships, even when it felt vulnerable.

Every time I spoke up, even imperfectly, I felt a little taller. A little prouder. A little more myself.

Women who inspire me don’t wait to be invited into the conversation. They join it. Boldly. Authentically.

Step 5: Building Daily Rituals That Ground Me

This isn’t about Instagrammable morning routines. This is about rituals that actually help you survive and thrive.

For me, that’s been:

• Morning pages: three pages of brain dump, unfiltered, to clear the mental clutter.
• Daily affirmations: I speak to myself like a mentor, reminding myself I am capable, worthy, and resilient.
• Nature walks: even ten minutes in the sun with my dog counts.
• Sunday reflections: reviewing the week, celebrating wins, and releasing what didn’t serve me.

These small rituals create a container for growth. They remind me I’m intentional in my life, not just reacting to it. And they give me a quiet sense of confidence that no external approval can provide.

Step 6: Letting Myself Be Vulnerable

If you want to admire someone, look for vulnerability. The women I admire aren’t invincible—they’re real. They admit mistakes, cry when it’s painful, ask for help, and show their scars.

I started allowing myself to be seen—flaws and all. I told friends when I was struggling instead of pretending I had it together. I shared personal experiences in my writing that scared me. I allowed tears during commercials and quiet nights on the couch.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s authenticity. And authenticity is magnetic.

Step 7: Surrounding Myself with People Who Reflect My Best Self

I can’t overstate this: your circle matters. The women I admire are often surrounded by people who lift them up, challenge them, and see their potential even when they don’t.

I took a hard look at my relationships. Who was supportive? Who drained me? Who was stuck in negativity that rubbed off on me?

I made space for better energy. I sought mentors, supportive friends, and communities aligned with my growth. I let go of toxic connections, even when it hurt.

When you surround yourself with reflection and support, your growth accelerates. You start living in the company of people who remind you of your worth—and that’s exactly how you become a woman you admire.

Step 8: Celebrating Wins, Big and Small

Here’s a truth most self-help gurus skip: celebrating yourself is radical.

I used to downplay achievements: finishing a project, making a tough phone call, surviving a panic attack. None of it felt “enough” to celebrate.

Now, I make a point to notice and honor every win. I journal it. I tell a friend. I even do a small dance in the kitchen. These moments remind me: I am capable. I am growing. I am alive.

Admired women don’t just look forward—they acknowledge the journey, step by step.

Step 9: Rewriting My Story

At some point, I realized: no one else is responsible for my narrative. The “me” I admire didn’t show up because life magically got easier. She showed up because I started writing her story.

I stopped telling myself:

• “I’ll be happy when I…”
• “I’m not enough because I…”
• “Life is unfair to me because I…”

And started saying:

• “I am creating a life I love.”
• “I am worthy of joy right now.”
• “I am learning, growing, and showing up for myself.”

Your story is yours. You can rewrite it any day, any time. And that’s a superpower.

Step 10: Accepting That Growth Is Nonlinear

Here’s the final, crucial step: I still have bad days. I still binge-watch TV instead of journaling. I still spiral. And you know what? That’s okay.

Becoming a woman I admire wasn’t a linear path. It’s messy. It’s imperfect. It’s weekly therapy sessions, journaling streaks, setbacks, breakthroughs, and small acts of courage.

Growth isn’t about never falling—it’s about getting up. Again. And again. And again.

A Final Reflection

So, how did I become the woman I admire?

I became her by:

• Looking at myself honestly
• Letting go of people-pleasing
• Embracing imperfection
• Speaking up
• Creating grounding rituals
• Allowing vulnerability
• Choosing supportive people
• Celebrating wins
• Rewriting my story
• Accepting growth is messy

And here’s the secret: she wasn’t waiting to be perfect, noticed, or ready. She just started showing up—messy, imperfect, human, and unapologetically herself.

You can be that woman, too. Not someday. Not when you have it all figured out. Right now. Even with your fears. Even with your mistakes. Even with your messy hair and spilled coffee.

Start small. Start messy. Start exactly where you are.

Because the woman you admire doesn’t need you to be anyone else. She just needs you to show up as you.