By Selene Hart
Let me be painfully honest for a second.
I used to roll my eyes every time I saw that girl on social media. You know the one. Wakes up at sunrise, meditates for 30 minutes, drinks a green smoothie that somehow looks… elegant, and has a color-coded planner with her entire day mapped out. She always looks put together—even when she’s “just being real” in her Stories with a messy bun and “no makeup” (which still somehow looks like a Glossier ad).
Meanwhile, I was pressing snooze for the fifth time, waking up already anxious, drinking cold coffee I forgot about, and wondering why my life didn’t feel even remotely like that girl’s.
But if I’m being really honest? Deep down… I wanted to be her.
Not because of the aesthetic (okay, maybe a little). But because she seemed like she had peace. Like she wasn’t always overwhelmed. Like she had structure. Space. Confidence. Energy.
And I craved that.
So, I set out to become her. I downloaded the apps. Bought the fancy water bottle. Ordered the overpriced planner. Made a long, color-coded list of everything I thought I had to do to finally become the woman I thought I was supposed to be.
I lasted four days.
On day five I had a full-blown anxiety spiral, cried into my eggs, and rage-walked around the block wondering why I still felt like a mess.
That’s when I realized—I wasn’t failing. I was just trying to live someone else’s version of “that girl.”
So I threw out the idea of doing it perfectly and started asking a different question:
What does my version of “that girl” look like?
Here’s what I’ve learned.
1. “That Girl” Energy Is About How You Feel, Not How You Look
One of the biggest traps we fall into is thinking we have to look like “that girl” to be her.
But the truth? You can wear a mismatched hoodie and leggings, hair in a sad ponytail, yesterday’s mascara still haunting your under-eyes—and still show up with that girl energy.
It’s not about aesthetics. It’s about embodiment.
It’s how you treat yourself. How you talk to yourself. How you hold yourself when life feels loud. That quiet sense of self-trust that says, “I don’t have it all figured out—but I’m here, I’m trying, and I’ve got me.”
That’s what people feel. That’s what’s magnetic.
Not your smoothie. Not your planner. You.
2. You Don’t Need a 5 a.m. Wake-Up Call to Be “That Girl”
I tried the 5 a.m. thing. Once.
I woke up, felt like I had been hit by a bus, shuffled around my house like a zombie, then cried at 6:17 a.m. because my body wasn’t on board with becoming a productivity goddess that early.
Look—I love the idea of slow mornings. But “that girl” energy isn’t about the hour on the clock. It’s about how you start your day intentionally.
Some people thrive at sunrise. Some don’t. I’m learning to honor my own rhythm. My version of a good morning is waking up around 7:30, drinking coffee while staring out the window, doing 5 minutes of breathwork (sometimes), and not immediately checking my email.
Is it perfect? No. Is it sacred? Absolutely.
Make your morning yours. Even if it starts at 10 a.m. and includes reheated pancakes and a sticky toddler hand in your hair (been there).
3. You Don’t Have to Do All the Things
Here’s a secret: You can’t meditate, journal, hydrate, walk, strength train, stretch, read, eat whole foods, build an empire, and glow like the moon every single day.
And trying to is why so many of us burn out.
Start small. Like, stupid small.
Pick one or two rituals that ground you. Make them non-negotiable—not because of shame, but because they feel good. Mine are:
- Putting my phone on airplane mode for the first 30 minutes after waking up
- Drinking a big glass of lemon water while sitting in silence
That’s it. Some days I do more. Some days I don’t. But those two things are my anchors.
Don’t build a routine to impress anyone. Build one that supports the version of you that you’re becoming.
4. You’re Allowed to Be a Work in Progress
Becoming “that girl” doesn’t mean being polished all the time.
It means you’re showing up for yourself—even when you’re in pajamas at noon. Even when you’ve had three panic attacks this week. Even when you skipped your morning routine and ate ice cream for breakfast.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You are not less spiritual, less motivated, or less worthy because your healing looks messy.
Real growth is remembering who you are after the meltdown. Coming back to your tools. Forgiving yourself. Trying again.
Over and over.
And if your version of “that girl” cries during dog food commercials and stress-eats Cheez-Its while rereading The Power of Now… hi, you’re not alone.
5. Romanticize Your Life (Without Faking It)
Okay, yes. I love lighting a candle and playing lo-fi jazz while I journal. But I also romanticize scrubbing the bathroom when I’m rage-cleaning after a long cry. I call it “ritual cleansing.” It counts.
Becoming “that girl” doesn’t mean pretending your life is perfect. It means choosing to find magic in the mundane.
Make your coffee slowly. Sit in the sun for five minutes. Water your plant like it’s a sacred act (even if you’ve killed three succulents this year—we grow anyway).
Life doesn’t have to be curated to be beautiful. It just has to be lived with intention.
6. Your Mental Health Is the Foundation
No glow-up is sustainable if your nervous system is shot.
For years, I thought if I could just discipline my way through, I’d finally be okay. But it was anxiety in a cute outfit. I didn’t need more motivation—I needed regulation.
You want to become “that girl”? Take care of your mind.
Go to therapy. Learn breathwork. Take breaks. Journal not to fix yourself, but to meet yourself.
Sometimes “self-care” isn’t sexy. It’s texting your friend, “Hey, I’m spiraling.” It’s saying no to a workout and yes to a nap. It’s asking for help. It’s doing the thing that doesn’t look good on Instagram—but feels like relief in your body.
That’s the real flex.
7. Becoming Her Means Becoming You
Let me be clear: You don’t become “that girl” by copying someone else.
You become her by coming home to yourself.
By listening to your body. Trusting your timing. Letting your growth be messy. Choosing love over judgment. And refusing to abandon yourself—no matter what the world says you should be.
The truth is, “that girl” isn’t a fixed identity. She’s an energy. A version of you who exists now—not 10 pounds from now, not when your skin clears up, not when your planner is perfectly filled out.
She’s in you. She’s just waiting for you to let go of the pressure and give yourself permission to meet her in the mirror.
What This Looks Like in My Life (For Real)
Right now, “that girl” energy for me means:
- Drinking coffee outside in my robe, no phone
- Letting myself take a slow morning on days I don’t feel okay
- Meditating inconsistently, but always forgiving myself when I fall off
- Writing when I feel inspired, not when I feel forced
- Reminding myself that I am allowed to be a beginner
- Saying “no” without guilt
- Repeating the affirmation: I am safe to grow at my own pace
It’s soft. It’s imperfect. It’s real.
And it’s mine.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Need to Chase Her—You Already Are Her
If you’re reading this and wondering, “But how do I really become her?”—breathe.
You don’t need to become anyone else. You just need to remember who you already are underneath all the pressure, noise, and comparison.
You’re already worthy. You’re already growing. You’re already enough.
Now go take care of you—not for the aesthetic, but for the life you’re building.
And if all else fails? Put on some lip balm, drink some water, and remind yourself: “I’m doing the best I can—and that is more than enough.”
With love (and an unwashed hair bun), Selene
