Reparenting Yourself: A Gentle Guide

What Does “Reparenting” Even Mean?

Reparenting yourself is basically learning to give yourself the kind of support, care, and guidance you may have missed—or just didn’t get enough of—growing up. It’s about treating yourself the way a kind, wise, and loving parent might: with patience, encouragement, and protection.

This doesn’t mean your actual parents failed completely—it just means no one grows up with perfect parenting. As you get older, you can practice giving yourself what you need now, instead of waiting for someone else to do it.

Why It Matters

• Builds self-trust: You learn that you can rely on yourself.
• Helps with decision-making: Instead of being guided by fear or old habits, you can pause and ask, “What would be caring for me right now?”
• Soothes your inner critic: You replace the harsh voice in your head with one that is kinder and more realistic.

How to Start Reparenting Yourself

1. Listen to Your Feelings

Think of feelings as signals, not problems. If you’re upset, tired, or excited—notice it. Just like a parent would notice if a child was hungry or scared.
💡 Try: Pause once a day and ask, “What am I feeling right now? What do I need?”

2. Speak Kindly to Yourself

If you mess up or feel overwhelmed, practice using the same tone you’d use with a little sibling or a friend.
Instead of: “Ugh, I’m such an idiot.”
Try: “That was tough. Everyone makes mistakes. I can try again.”

3. Create Gentle Structure

Good parents set routines—not to control you, but to keep you safe and supported. You can do this for yourself with small, doable habits.
💡 Examples:

• Going to bed at a regular time
• Eating something nourishing before starting homework
• Taking 5 minutes of quiet when you feel stressed

4. Allow Play and Rest

Reparenting isn’t just about discipline—it’s also about joy. Make sure you allow yourself to relax, laugh, or be creative without guilt.

5. Ask: “What Would the Loving Version of Me Say?”

This is a quick tool when you feel stuck. Imagine a kind version of yourself answering the question, “What do I need right now?” That’s reparenting in action.

Small Daily Practices

• Keep a note on your phone with encouraging phrases (“I’m allowed to rest,” “My feelings make sense”).
• When you’re anxious, put your hand on your heart and breathe slowly for a few counts, like you’d calm down a younger child.
• Celebrate tiny wins—literally say, “Good job, me.”

Final Thought

Reparenting yourself isn’t about “fixing” who you are. It’s about giving yourself care, guidance, and compassion that helps you grow stronger and kinder to yourself. Think of it as learning to be both the kid who gets loved, and the parent who gives love.